I thought everyone loved stability. Like a stability in friendship, or economy. I knew that no one would stay the same, as time also changed. I, to be honest, definitely understood about the concept of change as I reflected myself in resolution.
I thought nobody could understand logically why people kept going away. Like a friendship that its members kept decreasing or like a family that went to another world we could not follow. I knew if everyone kept asking the same question about the gone person as if the person would not ask himself why he should have stayed or he should not have gone. I often asked myself about the reason which was always more than explanation, about someone’s leaving.
I thought people were conscious when they said “it’s okay if you go” or any kind of “I am okay”. Like a fight between friends in their circle as if it was another cold war in the last century or a misunderstanding between lovers who did not want to listen to each other’s excuses. I felt that people knew consciously about the probability when they said yes and they said no.
I thought there was no exception in understanding the goodbye(s). But, I realized that there was no exact meaning of goodbye which made people confused and misinterpreted it. Some people said that goodbye was another open book after closing the old book, like there would not be any meeting without goodbye. Some people said that goodbye was meant to be someone’s period in one’s life; a temporary meeting, a temporary person. Others said that goodbye was another form of being away for some periods to make prayers do its miracle.
Untuk mengerti membutuhkan waktu, untuk mengerti perlu meluangkan waktu. Memberikan sedikit ruang dan waktu kita untuk orang lain ada dalam pikiran kita, untuk kita pahami. Mengeluarkan energi untuk merenungkan orang lain. Memberikan perhatian yang lebih dari biasanya.
Semakin kesini, orang selalu menuntut untuk dipahami. Padahal tidak ada orang yang bisa membaca pikiran orang lain. Lalu, orang pun malas berkata-kata, menyampaikan sesuatu kepada orang yang dimaksud.
I thought we began to realize at this moment, when our circle became smaller, that people tend to stick together because they believed about each other’s perspective of friendship, not because how often they spent their time together. I presumed that friendship was not meant to be a give-and-take relationship. Or.. maybe I was mistaken, since I heard some people said “she doesn’t try to call me first, so I’m not gonna text her too” or “she wasn’t here when I needed her, so how am I supposed to be there for her?” or “I’m tired for giving all, so I just want to do the same as them for me”. I’ve been wondering about how people tend to be opportunist, or how they wanted to be understood all the time, without reflecting what they did when their friends were the ones who needed them most. I was quite fascinated with the facts though, that some people were a ‘people-have-to-understand-me-no-matter-what’ friend.
Memahami itu melapangkan hati, menerima. Bahwa setiap orang akan hadir dengan karakternya masing-masing. Dan tidak semua karakter itu berpasangan. Kita tidak akan selalu cocok dengan orang lain, tapi kita bisa mengusahakan bekerja bersama. Kita tidak akan selalu suka dengan karakter orang lain, namun ketidaksukaan itu tidak lantas membuat kita menjelek-jelekkannya.
I thought people were different. But I discovered that they are using Black’s theory, the heat loss is equal with the heat gained, for any kind of relationship. What they received must meet the equality of what they gave. Maybe goodbye did its job to change the mind of people about relationship. I’d been wondering, was it that hard to give without hoping for a return? Maybe for those who had lost a lot of friends, indeed, were hard. Maybe for those who were in the same situation when help was needed most, were, also, that hard. Maybe my thoughts were just not true. Maybe…
Memahami itu sebuah proses yang panjang. Seorang suami istri bahkan akan melakukan proses memahami ini sampai mereka mati. Tidak ada orang yang benar-benar bisa memahami orang lain. Yang ada adalah seberapa lapang hatinya untuk menerima kehadiran orang lengkap dengan karakternya itu dalam hidupnya.
I thought quantity did not count anymore, but quality instead. My question was easy: “Have you appreciated all of your friends who were always there for you when you were in trouble or needed advice? Have you?”
Semakin lapang hatinya, maka dia akan bisa menerima keadaan orang lain, memberikan ruang yang lebih leluasa untuk orang lain bergerak dalam hidupnya. Sebab itu jikapun saat ini kita merasa ada orang lain yang memahami kita, sejatinya orang itu memiliki hati yang lapang untuk menerima kita disana.
Look around, maybe you had done that for a few, but maybe you missed those who were in their shadow, trying to look fine, yet, forgotten.
Memahami adalah sebuah proses penerimaan. Bagiku seperti itu. (Cr: Kurniawan Gunadi)
The Indonesian quotes were taken from Tulisan: Memahami by Kurniawan Gunadi